Letting your children go.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with is being a single mother to a teenage boy. My son just turned 17, and although I should be thankful that he's not in a gang or getting bad grades at school, or drinking, there's that letting go thing. You know, when you still think he's your little boy, and he wants to be as far away from you as possible.
No matter how cool of a mother I might be, i.e. ride a motorcycle, attend Burning Man; does NOT wear "Mom Jeans"; I am still not cool enough. He laughs at everything I do or say. Sometimes he drives me up the wall because he's making fun of something or other and not being serious or listening to me. Lately he has been acting like he's the man of the house, a peril of not having a father around. He is also a Leo, as am I, and for some reason we have this love-hate thing going on. You see, he's one of those crazy-makers. Yes, you know the ones. Those family members you love intensely, but they make you want to pull your hair out and scream bloody murder, or poke them in the eyes.
When this happens (thankfully I haven't poked him in the eyes yet, although it's been close), he becomes the patronizing, yet soft, low voice of reason, thus making me want to scream even more, and worse, making me feel like I am actually being completely unreasonable and mad. How did this happen? When did the relationship with my son change and make me feel like I want to run away screaming? Is this temporary? My brother said I should get help from a single parent support group, and that I should just not react. The reacting part I might be able to stop, but to let go completely? I guess it's time to reach out for some support or help.
Sometimes I can't believe he's 17 already. He works out, he can drive, he has acne. I wonder where the time went. Just yesterday he was a baby in my arms; smiling toothless smiles; starting kindergarten. And soon he will be out there in the world, living his own life. I am scared sometimes, wondering whether I gave him a good foundation to build his life on, wondering if he'll be a good judge of character and then forcing myself to let go and just somehow be confident that all I can do is give him wings, and that it's up to him to fly...in which direction? Who knows? He's a bright, intelligent young man and I think he'll even be able to see. If I don't poke his eyes out first.
No matter how cool of a mother I might be, i.e. ride a motorcycle, attend Burning Man; does NOT wear "Mom Jeans"; I am still not cool enough. He laughs at everything I do or say. Sometimes he drives me up the wall because he's making fun of something or other and not being serious or listening to me. Lately he has been acting like he's the man of the house, a peril of not having a father around. He is also a Leo, as am I, and for some reason we have this love-hate thing going on. You see, he's one of those crazy-makers. Yes, you know the ones. Those family members you love intensely, but they make you want to pull your hair out and scream bloody murder, or poke them in the eyes.
When this happens (thankfully I haven't poked him in the eyes yet, although it's been close), he becomes the patronizing, yet soft, low voice of reason, thus making me want to scream even more, and worse, making me feel like I am actually being completely unreasonable and mad. How did this happen? When did the relationship with my son change and make me feel like I want to run away screaming? Is this temporary? My brother said I should get help from a single parent support group, and that I should just not react. The reacting part I might be able to stop, but to let go completely? I guess it's time to reach out for some support or help.
Sometimes I can't believe he's 17 already. He works out, he can drive, he has acne. I wonder where the time went. Just yesterday he was a baby in my arms; smiling toothless smiles; starting kindergarten. And soon he will be out there in the world, living his own life. I am scared sometimes, wondering whether I gave him a good foundation to build his life on, wondering if he'll be a good judge of character and then forcing myself to let go and just somehow be confident that all I can do is give him wings, and that it's up to him to fly...in which direction? Who knows? He's a bright, intelligent young man and I think he'll even be able to see. If I don't poke his eyes out first.
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