Musings of a Butterfly

Have you ever felt like you have been given a second chance in life? A kind of rebirth? A metamorphosis? Transformation? Whether it be through a conscious decision to do things differently or whether it came about during a life-changing experience? Something happened early this year that has made me rethink everything that I thought was important to me, through habit of living a life that suffocates your soul and stifles your creativity. As a single mother struggling to raise two boys I was running a real estate business that I had gone into because I wanted to help people to attain their piece of the "American Dream". Homeownership. I had previously been working on a large mixed-use development project near San Jose airport, and when that project was finished they offered me a job in Property Management at their San Francisco offices or a good severance of a few months salary and a project completion bonus, which would net me enough money to start my own real estate busi...

She has no burden. She stands, at the edge of a very high, grassy cliff,  head back, face up to the sun, arms wide open, and feels the warmth of the sunlight on her face. She has long black wavy hair. She is barefoot, wearing some sort of off-the shoulder gypsy dress that ripples, long and flowing with the wind. She feels light; a tremendous joy, and dances atop the cliff, a few feet away from an enormous drop into a peaceful ocean of blue. Precarious. Joyful. She dances to the music in her head.

I read this today and wanted to share: "In life you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. But most important are the ones that bring out the best in you. Those are the ones worth keeping around." Its kind of elementary but sometimes that realization doesn't click until you have been tested, used, or taught something you might not have realized before. And yet, sometimes you meet someone and just don't understand their purpose for connection. I suppose I just recently met someone that I thought I had a real deep connection with and it seems to have just flittered away as though it never existed. I asked myself, "Did I do something wrong?" It's all in the eyes. Perhaps I should have understood it the last time I saw this person, whom I seem to have met during a particularly difficult and transitional time in my life. I spent some moments with this person that made me ...

People drift around unconsciously doing things, getting things done, thinking thoughts that cloud the beauty of the only thing that is real, and that is this moment. The simple things that happen when life breathes through you. The taste of an apple; the smell of fresh lavender; preparing a simple meal; wet grass in the morning; hearing the stillness of a moment. It is time passing by without many of us enjoying the very essence of that single moment. I am listening and seeing. I am becoming more mindful and it's changing my reality.

Windows to the soul are eyes. You reach inside and shake up the soul within. Looking through your hair. Intensely gazing. With you; enveloped in darkness, twinkling city; smiling lights Breathe in your smell; kiss you in the moonlight. Electricity when you touch, tiny impulses drum every inch of skin. Your skin on mine. My being touching yours. Falling down the rabbit hole. Stumbling speak. Crashing waves; breezy and blue; your face; a painted memory. Face up to the sun, spin around and around around like that dream that never faded. No sense of time. Hours flash by in minutes, causing dizziness. Your head in my lap. My fingers in your hair. Floating, dreamlike, with soft edges and vivid colours. Flashes of passion; your heat courses through my veins like an addiction, Feel fluttery, heart beats fast, insides warm. I ask how? You say it's your secret.

I had a very spiritual experience the other day. It was my third session with Kate Jones at Mind Body Movement as I work on healing a fractured childhood. This particular day I had no expectations and I started by letting her know that I was feeling anxious, like something needs to change; this feeling of entrapment; living in an American suburb where I feel like I am suffocating every day that I am here. I explained I was feeling no peace and how I had literally experienced a panic attack in my kitchen on a recent morning and almost fainted. There has never been that feeling of..."sigh, I am home...." You know; that feeling when you know you don't need to move anymore, because you have found the place you want to live, for a while, or forever. I have never felt that. Every place I have ever lived has felt temporary...sometimes I don't put pictures up on the wall, or unpack boxes because I feel I won't be staying long. It has always been this way, I expect because...

I was deeply saddened to hear about Steve Jobs passing. He was always my hero, not only for his innovative ideas and brilliant mind, but for his long battle with cancer and illness. His commencement speech to the Stanford graduates in 2005 really hit home for me. He inspired me. To me, he was the Einstein of our generation. A true genius. If you haven't heard it, click on the link below and prepare to be inspired. Steve's 2005 Commencement Speech to Stanford Grads